Pass the brain bleach!
Pass the brain bleach!

Ok, ok, I’m done riffing on the Hawkeye Initiative thing, but I couldn’t resist one last poke at some of the fantasy armor & sexily posed lady “warriors” tropes. I don’t care what your stats are – if your midriff is showing and you’re coyly simpering at the camera, I’m not gonna take you seriously. The same poses & outfits that female characters look utterly absurd when drawn on male characters, and if you’re squirming in your seat reading today’s comic, well, welcome to every time I open a gaming book and see more cameltoe & bikini tops than actual, functional armor.

Tomorrow we move on to more gaming hijinks!

News: Posted February 11th, 2013 by Alina

^ 25 Comments to “Pass the brain bleach!”

  1. Kim Says:

    Gandalf really carries that look well. (He looks awesome)
    And the best part, is everyone knows that McKellan could pull that off.
    Rawr!

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 2:01 pm
  2. Risky Says:

    Generally the lady warriors in the sexy armor are sexy regardless, and I have no objection to sexy men in sexy armor. Nor would I have any objection to seeing the sexy women in the fantasy male pinup “armor”.

    Gollum, on the other hand… not so much.

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 2:09 pm
  3. Michael Says:

    YOU started it, gotta bleach my eyes!

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 2:12 pm
  4. bbo Says:

    The armor save for those bikini armors is that high because its so freaking hard to hit such a small area…

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 2:31 pm
  5. Bull Says:

    Alina, I pointed Margaret Wiess to your Raistlin Initiative pic last week. I think it may have broken her. :)

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 2:56 pm
  6. FSilvermane Says:

    In our old D&D game we had the same issue [kinda] with the Female Armor. We as men enjoyed the pictures but also knew the PHB pictures were to D&D what Victoria’s Secret is to Reality,..such women do exist but are rare and are purely “eye candy” [on a personal note I find a woman in one of my show shirts and basic panties (not thong or tback unless she actually enjoys wearing them) sexier than the frilly teddies and such]. In our game the chainmail bikini did exist and was real armor to a point [it was used by one of our female players who wore leather armor and added the chainmail chest covering over the leather to add armor to cover her heart and lungs better but keep her thief in leather/studded leather] and was eventually also used by both genders and became a racial armor type [leather armor with chainmail at certain points to add armor protection on called shots and flexibility]. All that being said my brain hurts now and I need mental floss after seeing those pictures above,……lol

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 2:58 pm
  7. TB Says:

    Actually, if you look at comics, men have unrealistically sexy bodies too. The standard poses are just different than for the women.

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 3:23 pm
  8. Chirality Says:

    Is your Thog character a shout-out to Order of the Stick?
    http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0788.html

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 3:30 pm
  9. octopod Says:

    TB, unrealistically powerful, more like.

    Also would it be wrong to say I really love these images? Pouty Dwarf is killing me, not to mention Bilbo. On the other hand, Gollum OH DEAR GOD NO.

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 3:41 pm
  10. :snicker:

    Okay, that was totally wrong. I remember a rather absurd piece that was supposed to be Eowyn, White Lady of Rohan that was *ahem* physically endowed beyond even regular proportions. One has to wonder how the artist could jive his piece with Tolkien’s description of Eowyn as passing for a young man of about 12 summers when she was decked out as Dernhelm. Sadly, it has only gotten worse over time.

    Definitely pass the brain bleach!

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 4:37 pm
  11. Lex Says:

    I support Sexy Gollum’s life choices.

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 5:02 pm
  12. ThatGuy Says:

    I’d tap that. Except those in the third frame.

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 7:17 pm
  13. Spiritbw Says:

    You know, the pictures really don’t bother me all that much. The dialogue on the other hand made my spine crawl, specially panel 3.

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 7:56 pm
  14. clovermandefleur Says:

    i think my brain melted

    Posted February 11th, 2013 at 8:34 pm
  15. Daran Says:

    While I don’t mind the occasional cheesecake, its ubiquity is troubling. When I played World of Warcraft my Paladin spent levels 12-16 with “greaves” that looked more like a garter-belt and stockings set. I understand why Red Sonja wears a chainmail bikini (she’s a barbarian), but why is my Defender of the Light obliged to wear one too?

    Posted February 12th, 2013 at 1:36 am
  16. Cagliostro Says:

    Yesss … give us his wonderful, putrid, scantiliy-clad body … ssssooo preciousss.
    But … didn’t he wear less in the movies (and books)? And didn’t he strike some … interesting poses? Just saying.

    Should try some old-world-RPGs. Here in Germany, they tend to be a little bit … plain, decent and somewhat square, but the middle-age-themed, fantastically realism with less vampire-illithids and more essays about exchange rates and the kinds of crops the local peasants grow generates way more sensibly-clothed women. Looked over the pictures in my gamebook just now. They are … people.

    Posted February 12th, 2013 at 4:02 am
  17. SteinarB Says:

    Heh. Oh dear, the horror! The horror! I’ll now have “sexy” Gollum stuck in my head forever. I’ll be sending the bill for therapy your way, Alina. :)

    It really does point out the ridiculousness of some of the poses women in fantasy art are put in. That said, your Conan actually appears to be wearing more than his “standard” attire of furry loincloth, boots and maybe a helmet if he remembers it. :)

    Posted February 12th, 2013 at 4:56 am
  18. I’m just amused at how serious Conan looks.

    Posted February 12th, 2013 at 6:34 am
  19. Frankie D. Says:

    The latest comic confuses me. If he’s got Eldar Vs SM, then he’s playing 40K. Why would GW be after someone for playing their game?

    Posted February 12th, 2013 at 11:28 am
  20. Curt A. Says:

    I’m going to be snickering all week. Nasssty Hobbitsess, lol. Putting guys into female attire does introduce a crossdressing aspect absent in the preposterous female pictures, though. Gay triple-X material might provide more precise analogies, although I can’t think of anything men wear that’s analogous to high heels.

    Posted February 12th, 2013 at 2:38 pm
  21. I really can’t see anything wrong with the picture…

    Posted February 12th, 2013 at 4:17 pm
  22. Jared Says:

    Funny that for two of the characters (Conan, Gollum) you’ve actually put the addition of the bikini tops has them in more clothing than they would normally be seen in.

    The pinki raise on Conan is pure gold!

    Posted February 12th, 2013 at 8:06 pm
  23. Lukkai Says:

    @Cagliostro: “Here in Germany, they tend to be a little bit … plain, decent and somewhat square,…”
    *coughcough*Arcane Codex*coughcough*
    Cool system though.

    Nevermind. I’ve recently been collecting pictures all over the web for inspiration. Working on my own little campaign setting for pathfinder that is. And it was …interesting… just how many pictures with females I had to set aside because while the art was great and most of picture was okay, the addition of the clearly visible string bikini and otherwise stripperific dress for the girl just didn’t fly with what I had in mind.
    Now I can see the point with an armour with décolleté. Even gave a female character of mine one at one point (yes, I occasionally crossplay. About one in eight to ten charas. Why? It’s fun!). But as a very light and not all too protecting addition to a gala dress in military style! Not as a serious piece of combat armour. I could also see such armour being used in the above mentioned way of wearing it over lighter armour for additional protection to key points.
    Also I’ve got no problem with pin-up girls wearing sexy (but impractical) armour. I enjoy such pictures, sure. But as pictures in serious rpg material? That actually annoyes me.

    Sorry, ranting.

    On wednesdays comic: Hands up whoever gets the “Epic”-joke!
    *looks around*
    Congratulations! You’ve passed your GW-games geek test!
    I’ve still got some Epic tanks lying around that I’ve been using for homebrewed Battletech designs. And a Warlord titan they added to a mailorder shipment as an apology for having messed it up at first.

    Posted February 13th, 2013 at 9:21 pm
  24. Alina Says:

    Ahhhh, seriously Bull??? That’s awesome and hilarious! I think that made my week. :)

    Posted February 16th, 2013 at 2:38 pm
  25. Fnord Says:

    [quote=”Alina”]”… I don’t care what your stats are – if your midriff is showing and you’re coyly simpering at the camera, I’m not gonna take you seriously…”[/quote]
    Maybe that’s why I think Sarah is your best character.

    Posted February 17th, 2013 at 7:55 pm

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