Gonna be a few regrets in this conversation, I think.

News: Posted April 1st, 2019 by Alina

^ 41 Comments to “Regrets…”

  1. jeffepp Says:

    Oh, boy. It looks like someone’s on the way to an emotional breakdown. Not that imagining his ex wasn’t a clue. I suspect this has been a long time coming, looking back on things.

    Posted April 1st, 2019 at 8:21 pm
  2. TheDarkTyger Says:

    And there it is, Marc. Time to get out now while you have a chance of being able to do it without burning bridges.

    Posted April 1st, 2019 at 9:42 pm
  3. red as rowan Says:

    yeah this isn’t looking to good for anyone involved. I think maybe Marc should’ve maybe given himself a longer time to get over his ex before dating Ravenia.

    Posted April 1st, 2019 at 10:19 pm
  4. GamerLEN Says:

    Hooooo boy… I know exactly how he feels too. I tried the whole poly thing a while back and its one of those ideas that always sounds great on paper, but in practice… well… for some people it works, but I sure as hell was NOT one of those people.

    Posted April 1st, 2019 at 10:57 pm
  5. antheridium Says:

    This is exactly why poly isn’t for everyone. It requires a fair bit of self-knowledge, which Mark has always lacked. Jumping right into a poly relationship as soon as he heard about the concept didn’t help matters.

    Posted April 1st, 2019 at 11:46 pm
  6. Richard Harold Weatherfield Says:

    Mark is NOT fit for this kind of lifestyle. I think he might have been a little hasty due to his breakup with Jess. I’ve been lonely like that before and done stupid things as a result, so I have an idea what he’s going through.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 12:40 am
  7. Chaucer59 Says:

    Not fit for this kind of lifestyle? Christ, I’m beginning to believe he’s not fit for human contact. He was a bit jealous, sure, and then he got defensive, but now he’s just being a flaming asshole. The correct answer to, “I can’t believe you’re defending him,” is “HE hasn’t done anything that needs defending. He’s been quiet, polite, and sincerely friendly. You, however, are another matter. What the fuck is your problem? Remember when you said, ‘So now this is my fault?’ Yeah. Now it’s all your fault.”

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 12:58 am
  8. Hfar Says:

    *sniff sniff* I know this smell. It is the smell of incoming drama.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 1:18 am
  9. Kobold Says:

    Well, you can always get out, I suppose… it’s not like anyone is forced to stay in a relationship if they don’t feel comfortable in it.

    But: I’d really love to see Dustin (and everybody Dustin-like) in a relationship where they are someone’s primary… or only or whatever. Such a gem does not deserve to come second 😉

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 3:05 am
  10. maarvarq Says:

    An honest discussion with Ravenia, ideally not in Damien’s company, would be good, but first Mark needs to calm the eff down.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 3:34 am
  11. Kaunisenkeli Says:

    Mark, for the sake of all involved: leave this polycule, ASAP. You don’t seem suited to polyamory.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 4:52 am
  12. Oddtail Says:

    I am not crazy about how Ravenia handled this, but Mark. My dude. It’s all you, right now.

    1) there’s nothing to “defend”. The fact thah Mark uses the word implies he feels he has been wronged. He wasn’t. He’s not jealous b/c of what Damien did. He’s jealous b/c he’s insecure. And it’s fine. I get it. But Mark is about as self-aware as a ten year old right now.

    2) As others point out in the comments, this is not an arrangement for Mark. But he could be mature about admitting it instead of blowing up at someone who’s actively trying to help him talk this through. Dustin may have used clumsy phrasing in the last comic, but clumsy does not equal malicious. And Mark is acting like he’s against him. Which is childish, but also honestly more than a bit dickish towards Dustin.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 8:05 am
  13. SaintSithney Says:

    Regretting getting involved sounds like the first smart thing Mark has done in this relationship. Poly relationships can be great for poly people, but for not-poly people, they are awful.

    Mark, bro, you got involved for the wrong reasons, and you’re going to hurt the whole group. I think Ravenia is somewhat at fault here, since she just kind of assumed Mark would know everything about a poly relationship and making one work, even though she knows he was shocked to find out she and Dustin are poly and thought she might be cheating. It seems like she’s one of those poly people who is so happy and satisfied in finding out there was a word for people like her that she thinks everyone should be that way. I get it (after I discovered the word “asexual”, I thought it was bonkers that people were anything else!), but it’s no better than thinking everyone should be monogamous, or everyone should be allosexual, or everyone should want a romantic relationship.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 9:28 am
  14. Annonymouse Says:

    The Drama Tag [tm] has been brutally torn off and the Drama will end up spilling and getting everywhere. If they aren’t careful in cleaning things up quickly it will leave stains.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 10:23 am
  15. Jeor Says:

    Having been in a poly relationship for a while, I can definately attest poly isn’t for everyone. Some of the people involved in our relationship were not ready for it, and that ends up hurting people, usually everyone, one way or another. I’m fortunate that I’ve spent quite a bit of time figuring out who I am, so I get by well enough, but for some it’s a living, breathing nightmare

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 10:36 am
  16. Daniel S. Mountain Says:

    I’ll be blunt, Mark. Polyamory is NOT for you.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 10:52 am
  17. Stephen Says:

    @red as rowan Although he might not have been quite ready to date it was probably time to start testing the waters on dating again. Thing is, the relationship with Ravenia is like learning to swim as one of those Polar Bear Club members. A relationship like hers is really complicated and honestly isn’t for most people. Marc is one of those people. There’s nothing wrong with being in one of those relationships unless you are one of the people it doesn’t work for.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 11:01 am
  18. Darkelf1951 Says:

    Mark, Mark, time to retreat and run into Revinna and blow up and explode into a fire fireball of guilt and recremation and self loathing, or if lucky die by self inflicted wounds… Or become a monk and live in a cave off on some wintery mountain top some where…

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 11:05 am
  19. Joe Says:

    It was clear that Ravenia was a rebound for him and he didn’t even truly really internalize what polyamory was.

    He is in big danger right now – he’s perfectly capable of ruining his friendship with Justin, ruining the current LARP session, his relationship with Ravenia and pretty much coming off as a jerk – it’s clear he never took the polyamory thing as really real, which means he was stealing Justin’s girlfriend in his mind.

    Heck, he’s ruining OUR chance to see whats going on on the game right now. This whole arc screams trainwreck

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 11:39 am
  20. ElBandito2015 Says:

    This is the sort of thing that requires some quiet introspective time. Mark’s not thinking things through…he’s just feeling and reacting. It’s okay to find you’re not cool with this situation and/or that you don’t like Damien. But lashing out is usually counterproductive – it’s a sign that you should go home and put on some music or something.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 12:26 pm
  21. Ducky Says:

    @SaintSithney: High five, fellow ace person! For me it was sort of the other way around, like realizing “Oh so that’s *why* people seem to act kinda bonkers!”

    And speaking of bonkers- No, nevermind bonkers, Mark is acting like a huge jerk. It was probably bad luck he ran into Dustin in that state. Dustin is clearly self-aware enough to be conscious of the fact Mark was never jealous about him that way. Confidence or no, that can’t feel good.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 2:41 pm
  22. Wanderer Says:

    Well, Mark, if that’s the way you feel, then dump Ravenia. If you really cannot stand being part of a polyamorous relationship, cut the cord now and move on. Go find someone who will be yours and only yours. Because right now you’re lashing out at anyone and everyone near you, and that’s not good for you, for them, or for the game. So if you really cannot stand being part of this, then drop her and move on. it’ll be best for both of you in the long run.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 2:46 pm
  23. Thulcandran Says:

    I honestly mostly feel for Dustin right now. As Ducky points out, Mark was so un-threatened by him that he didn’t even seem to care that they were “sharing” Ravenia’s time and energy.

    I kind of wish Dustin had pointed this out, rather than trying to be diplomatic. Mark can be pretty oblivious, and seems to need direct confrontation at times. I wonder if this conversation would’ve gone better if Dustin had just said “If Damien bothers you so much, why don’t I?” and watched him try not to say “I don’t think you’re as attractive as me.” That might have sunk in better.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 3:44 pm
  24. Thulcandran Says:

    But in a way, this is much better than Mark trying to avoid these feelings and internalizing them instead. There’s nothing quite worse in a polycule than a partner who says they’re fine, they’re fine, they’re fine, but goes into a hard sulk when you spend time with someone else, even chill, non-sexual time, and pitches a fit the next day every time, all while claiming they don’t have any jealousy or issues with the relationship. Mark should probably call it an early night and then calmly explain to Ravenia the next day that he just couldn’t handle the polyamory as well as he thought.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 3:47 pm
  25. Scia Says:

    Yeah, ever since Mark’s really started to show problems with being a poly-partner, I’ve started to think that maybe it’s really not good for him. I can see where Dustin’s coming from, but I think that maybe Mark needing someone of his own is something that needs to be acknowledged – maybe possibly even coming from Dustin, first.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 4:08 pm
  26. Marcelo Says:

    I’m really sorry that Mark is slowly but surely turning into an asshole. He was always kind of ashemed of the hoby, but I thought it was beause he was roleplaying in the Weregeeks Live-RPG. But then he got lucky when dustin and ravenya were in an open relationship and now this…
    I mean… I can imagine his next steps… Breakout badly from this poly relationship, sulk a bit, and then make a move on Sarah and make things worse…
    Goddammit, I really dont like what’s happening to Mark, what he seems to be becoming. I hope he gets a redemption arch somehow.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 5:21 pm
  27. Queek Says:

    Marcelo, you are being a bit too pesimistic. He’s not becoming an asshole. He’s being human. He’s being full of doubt and uncertainty. And he’s discovering while he thought he wanted one thing, he actually wants another. He’s discovering he’s naturally monogamous and not suited to a poly lifestyle. And it should be noted, he initially felt guilty when *Ravena* put the moves on him because he thought she was in a monogamous relationship with Dustin. He’s not likely to make a move on Sarah unless Sarah does something monumentally stupid like lead him on.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 7:16 pm
  28. Marcelo, I think it is more that Mark has been repeatedly subjected to ridicule. After a while, one anticipates the next hit.

    Ravenia does not appear to be taking any responsibility. I can understand how Mark might feel toyed with.

    Posted April 2nd, 2019 at 11:05 pm
  29. Novalyyn Says:

    Uh… dude, why are you complaining about having to pretend and thinking everyone’s supposed to be honest when… no one has told you that you need to pretend, Ravenia has been trying to get you to say what’s bothering you, and you’re the only one not being open and honest…?

    Posted April 3rd, 2019 at 12:24 pm
  30. Tim C Says:

    I think that Dustin is being a really forgiving guy considering that this whole conversation heavily implies that Mark is completely unthreatened by Dustin and thus actually thinks of Dustin as inferior to Mark.

    Posted April 3rd, 2019 at 12:46 pm
  31. fromtheothersideofthewall Says:

    Honestly, I can barely take Mark seriously while he has a dog collar. Mark shoudnt be mad at Damien, he got himself in this situation, just like he put the dog collar by himself. No self respect tends to this kind of situations.
    I just hope Dustin realizes he deserves something better too.

    Posted April 3rd, 2019 at 2:59 pm
  32. DocMcConvoy Says:

    Well… I am pondering over this for some time now, and I actually ask myself, if we can actually say if Mark is suited for poly or not just by what we see.
    I think it is correct, that right now, Mark is lacking some necessary skills for this. Selfawareness, confidence, the ability to sense or understand the motives and feelings of others, and maybe some more. But that was his problem for quite some time. And I was constantly thinking about the reasons.
    In the very first story, we can see some prizes, he might have received for sports. So I assumed, in his highschooldays, he was more on the side of the jocks. Later, we could overhear a conversation between him and Ravenia, that his Dad was semi-pro at mini-golfor maybe golf, and it seems he dragged his son into his most beloved activity. Don’t know, what the kids at school would think about that. For me it seems, like he was not victim of too much ridicule, but maybe enough to get a little careful.
    And then there is Jess. We know, she was popular in school. And popular girls pick handsome dudes and then start to form them how they want their personality. At least, that’s what I see often, correct me if I am wrong. At first, it looked like Jess wouldn’t care if he has ‘weird’ hobbys, and would encourage him to be more open about it, but later on we see, she just doesn’t care about his hobbys, won’t try to understand it, and even when he tries to open up to her, she ridicules him about it. It was bent to go down the river sooner or later. But it went the worst possible way, with Mark beeing seriously hurt, questioning himself without finding an answer, and Jess furious, because she thinks, some other girl stole him from her, while in truth, she can only blame one girl, and that is herself. Well, Mark has also a share, and a big one at that, but at least, i can follow why he did so.
    And well, think about Mark: He is kind of stupid, often behind at catching up, but sometimes also can be quite sharp. And frightening at that. So for my part I have started to think, that maybe Mark is mostly lacking knowlege and experience. And so right now, he is using what he knows to think about his problems… and runs against a wall time and time again. Just think about it: His last relationship ended with lots of drama, because something he cared about and put a lot of effort into was revealed and misunderstood. I would guess, he fears being ridiculed again by someone as pretty as his last partner and also hurt when he ist to open and gives an opening to hurt him. And there is nothing wrong in admitting, that people do a lot of dumb things out of fear.
    To be honest, bringing Damian, an Outsider to the game, and also a person yet to earn Marks trust, to watch the game, was a landmine, most people couldn’t have seen. And giggling in Marks sight was pretty much triggering a flashback in Mark, as we have seen. And now we can see, the wounds from the breakup are not in the state of scars, they still were not healed at all. And now they are open again, and bleeding profusely. The situation is quite dire I would say, and the best for Mark imho would be, when Rav and Damian would also come in, understand the situation and work Marks problems out together as a policule. Maybe with the outcome, that poly isn’t for Mark. But maybe it is, but to this point we couldn’t see it, cause he is too burried in his problems and not really ready for it cause he did not have enough help/info or whatever to get into it the right way. I still see the potential for it here, but also the hard work, that has to be done before. And I don’t think Dustin alone is enough to stem the workload with Mark.
    Sorry for the long rant, but I was really thinking hard about it for some time.

    Posted April 3rd, 2019 at 5:00 pm
  33. Aita Says:

    I’m just gonna applaud Dustin in all this; he’s a little hamhanded at dealing with Mark’s momentary emotionally burst, but he’s certainly got the whole thing the right way around and is awesome about it all.

    Posted April 3rd, 2019 at 7:46 pm
  34. BardofTwilight Says:

    I think one thing that people are missing also is that this is ending up being a sort of….intervention. Mark isn’t in the locker room alone because he wants to be, he’s there because he was told to remove himself from the game by one of his friends. He feels backed into a corner (Interventions, even under the best intentions, are BAD mmkay). So there is that on top of everything else, and it doesn’t make it easy to get a bearing on your feelings. Hard to be sure even for his friends but it’s not a healthy situation for Mark at the least.

    As far as just meeting Damian…I hit red flags just from Dustin’s response, that he was only finally meeting the guy as well after what I’m going to assume to be at least a month or two of being in this relationship (and possibly longer), because I would assume that meeting other potentials in this relationship would be a sign of respect to everyone involved. Maybe this is my lack of knowledge and understanding speaking, but this feels more like Ravenia making herself a harem of interesting guys for her. But that’s where I’m open to being wrong.

    Posted April 4th, 2019 at 1:34 am
  35. PlimpertonSplimby Says:

    DUSTIN YOU DESERVE BETTER. Honestly he’s such a great guy… hopefully being in a relationship with Ravenia will boost his confidence enough for him to realise he doesn’t have to be second fiddle to Damien, or just part of Ravenia’s trophy shelf.

    Posted April 4th, 2019 at 1:59 am
  36. Shinjischneider Says:

    I’m waiting for Dustin to drop the Ball.

    “Mark. I like you. But do you realize that according to your logic i would have to hate you too?
    You are thinner than me, more muscular than me, handsomer than me (just go with it there).

    You are to me what Damien is to you.

    Maybe you should think about that and what your real problem is. I have a game to attend.”

    Posted April 4th, 2019 at 5:40 am
  37. ivylaughed Says:

    Mark: It’s time to recognize you’re too worked up to game, go home, and chill. Then get a therapist to work on all of this.

    I’m very proud of Dustin for his handling of this so far.

    Posted April 4th, 2019 at 9:13 am
  38. Tamponion Says:

    Am I the only one that feels Mark is a bit out of character here?

    Posted April 4th, 2019 at 10:14 am
  39. Annonymouse Says:

    In response to Tim C – I don’t see that Mark thinks of Dustin as inferior just because he doesn’t feel threatened. The whole being threatening to be superior is a trope that needs to be, not hammered down but pulled out by the roots and tossed on the trash heap.
    Mark feels “safe” with Dustin despite his going looney-toons and lashing out at the moment.

    Posted April 4th, 2019 at 10:33 am
  40. Ashley Buechler Says:

    @Shinjischneider You’re example of how Dustin could help Mark understand seems like it would really put into perspective what is going on. Because Dustin is a nice guy, he luckily does not feel threatened by Mark being in this relationship. I just hope Mark doesn’t do something he regrets or can’t take back.

    Posted April 4th, 2019 at 7:32 pm
  41. Frank Bromley Says:

    knew this would happen from the beginning after how his last relationship ended this was a BAD idea

    Posted April 7th, 2019 at 6:14 pm