The Things People Say
The Things People Say

They can stay in your head for years

News: Posted November 26th, 2019 by Alina

^ 20 Comments to “The Things People Say”

  1. bagge Says:

    Friends.

    That’s the geek experience for me and oh so many other people I know.

    Come for the games, stay for the friends.

    Heck, when our roleplaying association was at it’s peak we had a pretty substantial membership who never played, but just liked hanging out.

    Posted November 29th, 2019 at 4:55 am
  2. Daniel S. Mountain Says:

    Then you find people who have freed themselves from the expectations of mainstream society, and you can finally begin to heal. Life is too precious not to enjoy, and if that means you have actual hobbies that seem odd to others, screw them and get into it.

    Posted November 29th, 2019 at 5:41 am
  3. Azrael Says:

    That they certainly can…

    Posted November 29th, 2019 at 8:53 am
  4. TheDarkTyger Says:

    And then you remember he’ll never get to play the character in the Changeling LARP again. *Cry*

    Posted November 29th, 2019 at 8:54 am
  5. _Pax_ Says:

    Too true.

    Things said to me thirty and forty years ago, are still in my head. πŸ™

    Posted November 29th, 2019 at 11:28 am
  6. Drraagh Says:

    Joel saying he appreciates someone, wow that probably didn’t come easy for him. πŸ˜‰ Seriously though, that’s part of the whole problem with things, you can’t pick your family and you can’t pick your co-workers but you can pick your friends and they are the ones who usually get us through the toughest times, especially those when our family doesn’t understand us. Having his girlfriend look down on his hobby definitely would hurt as the loved ones are ‘supposed’ to understand, maybe not directly embrace but at least try and support you in your hobbies because they mean something important to you.

    Posted November 29th, 2019 at 11:34 am
  7. Diggy Kin Says:

    A lot of the time your insecurities will mask over the good parts of not only your person, but your memories as well. You’re so busy thinking of the bad you forget about the good.
    It’s okay to be into what you like as long as it doesn’t harm other people, anybody who shames you for what you love is honestly just not worth your time.

    Posted November 29th, 2019 at 11:55 am
  8. Enkrod Says:

    I don’t like the words “toxic masculinity”, but it really captures what happened to Mark. Society is normative in such a way as to ridicule, suppress and refuse. the ones who don’t adhere to the ruling norm.

    To be considered a man by his Dad, to be considered normal by his co-worker, to be considered successful by Jess (and thus by proxy also to be considered manly, because toxic masculinity promotes success as a measure of manliness), he had to bury the things considered “unmanly” (and by extension “feminine”) like playfulness, creativity, emotionality and everything not adhering to other peoples expectation of “normal” behaviour and got it reinforced all his life that he had to be ashamed for who he was.

    If all your life, you learn to be ashamed of yourself, if all your life, you have it reinforced from everyone who you respect, hold dear and aspire to be like, that you ought to be ashamed for what you like… people start hating themselves.

    This is why all that rage is pent up in Mark, all his life whenever he suppressed some part of himself he got more mad at himself about having those feelings, those needs and thoughts. He has the ingrained expectation that something is wrong with himself, because that is what society instilled in him. And he hates himself for being broken, for not fitting into the mold.

    His friends were the only ones really excepting of who he was, but he sees them as broken too, he still things they are some kind of losers sticking together because they have no one else. Thus he is not really able to appreciate their love and acceptence. Because they are like him, their acceptence means litte to him as long as his own expectation is that of societal normalcy.

    It will be really hard to change his own expectations towards himself.

    Maybe I’m projecting most of this, but this arc really has spoken to me and I very much see my own struggles mirrored in Mark. Thanks for giving me something to think about Alina.

    Posted November 29th, 2019 at 1:12 pm
  9. Kerisa Says:

    Alina,

    As to your “The Things People Say” comment – We (as humans) often (unintentionally) let the one or two negative comments drown out the tons of positive ones. This is something that we need to work on as a species. :::smirk:::

    Also, thank you for addressing these issues in such an open honest way and not downplaying any of it.

    Posted November 29th, 2019 at 1:52 pm
  10. EurekaBe Says:

    As the only gamer and role-player in my family (my younger brother used to but “grew out of it”) I can understand this page completely…
    Btw Alina I just wanted you to know (if you read the comments) I’ve been depressed for years… this new arc was the final push i needed to get therapy. Thank you.

    Posted November 29th, 2019 at 1:52 pm
  11. Diogo Salazar Says:

    @bagge
    you got that damn right

    Posted November 29th, 2019 at 5:21 pm
  12. Ari Says:

    I’m glad I was always allowed to express the nerd/geek in me, whether it was science/scifi/math/games/whatever by my parents. I’m sure my mother never understood it, but it was one of the few parenting things she did right.

    I think I’ve said this before. When my daughter was in high school, someone told her she was weird. She looked him straight in the eye and said thank you.

    Embrace who you are.
    You’ll be happier for it

    And if as a result, your family becomes more one of choice than one of blood, well family is where you make it, it’s where you find it, it’s where you take it. (which i could have that recording after 35 years, sigh, everything is not on the internet.)

    Posted November 29th, 2019 at 9:27 pm
  13. Ozzi Says:

    Sadly, this is all true but look out for the guy you only know from the flgs or larp or one other place. Those nerds are sometimes the loneliest as they feel rejected even by their own people.

    Posted November 30th, 2019 at 2:59 am
  14. Stephen Nagy Says:

    Oof, yeah… I long since got over it and decided that anyone who says crap like panels one and two wasn’t worth listening to, but man I know how badly that shit can hang over your head.

    Posted November 30th, 2019 at 10:18 am
  15. Fabfunk von Cronenberg Says:

    Friends – THAT’S why I play. Doesn’t matter if it’s larping, D & D, board games, video games… the game is incidental. It’s spending time with friends that I look forward to.

    Posted November 30th, 2019 at 10:48 am
  16. At the end of the day, it’s what your friends say and think that matters, anyone that looks down on you for the things you like and do, they have their own issues and you shouldn’t listen to anything they have to say.

    Posted November 30th, 2019 at 5:45 pm
  17. Annalog Says:

    No joke this page almost made me cry (college is stressful ok it happens a lot lol). My friends, especially the ones that I do nerdy things with, mean even more to me than my family does. They have done so much to support me and help me grow as a person in the last few years and seeing someone else realize the same thing really hits home. I hope that Mark is able to grow from this experience too.

    Posted December 1st, 2019 at 10:59 pm
  18. Joe Says:

    The sad part is, being geek doesn’t necesarily being “open” I know plenty of people that are into comic books – HEAVILY into comic books – that are extremely dismissive about any other geeky hobbies, and won’t even give them half a chance.

    Posted December 2nd, 2019 at 2:53 pm
  19. N0083rP00F Says:

    I can chime in with the “me to”, gaming and other geeky pastimes is where I got any long term friends. Sadly as we grow older, we drift further apart due to jobs, expanding families, personal circumstances, etc.

    I think the closest gaming friend is maybe just under a 100km away and the furthest is around 23 hours direct flight away. Thanks to the internet we can still stay in touch in some form or another.

    Posted December 2nd, 2019 at 3:00 pm
  20. Kobold Says:

    … cause those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind… πŸ˜‰

    Posted December 3rd, 2019 at 4:21 pm

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