Back to feeling bad
Back to feeling bad

Mark forgot about them for a little while, at least

News: Posted October 8th, 2019 by Alina

^ 23 Comments to “Back to feeling bad”

  1. Nep Says:

    [hugs to Ravenia] She’s such a good egg.

    Posted October 8th, 2019 at 2:55 pm
  2. Ashley Buechler Says:

    @Nep She is, but she still needs to think about WHY she brought Mark into the poly relationship in the first place. He was reeling from Jessica (who, let’s be frank, was NOT a good match for him), and should have taken a longer time to figure things out without being in a relationship. If it was because he was a cute mess, that’s not a good reason.

    I’m glad that she still cares about him, but maybe she should end it with mark MUTUALLY. He clearly was not ready for a poly relationship, let alone a poly one. I’m very glad that Dustin is such a forgiving guy when it comes to his friends.

    Posted October 8th, 2019 at 6:06 pm
  3. Drraagh Says:

    It’s definitely the sign of a caring person who realizes that an action like that, which is so out of character for a person, is a flashing neon sign that they need help instead of ‘Okay, so this guy is just a creep’. She knows Mark, and knows he’s not a jerkwad, but has his own problems he needs to work through, so good to see she’s able to care about how he’s doing and not just write him off.

    This is why I can really feel this being like someone going through an experience, as friends know this is not his normal state and that he needs some sort of help so they’ll work with him to sort himself out. They gave him space, thinking he could clear his head, because they weren’t knowing of all the issues and insecurities and the like. And now, well, he’s dealing with the fallout, everyone trying to make peace with what they did or didn’t do, and rebuilding the bridges as they go.

    Some people may see each other differently now, for sure, even if just for a little while. But things will eventually go back to a status quo, as life likes an equilibrium.

    Posted October 8th, 2019 at 8:02 pm
  4. Gene Wirchenko Says:

    Ravenia does not have to be good to realise Mark needs Dustin more, just not too selfish.

    Posted October 8th, 2019 at 9:54 pm
  5. jeffepp Says:

    I think everyone can/could see that Mark was having a… Mental Health issue. And, with him hallucinating his ex, yeah, he probably needs lots of help.

    Posted October 8th, 2019 at 11:45 pm
  6. Sable Says:

    Interesting that Dustin’s first loyalty was to Ravenia. When Mark’s colossal ego returns to power he’ll remember that.

    Well Mark it looks like you got away with it all!

    Posted October 9th, 2019 at 1:26 am
  7. Kobold Says:

    I’m still unsure as to attesting mark “mental health issues”… yes, he had a throw down with his lovers other lover due to jealousy and insecurity based on his former relationship, and probably said some nasty things to said lover. But from there to question his mental health? He’s been pretty ok so far, he came to his senses rather quickly, and he totally regrets it. So far, I see nothing unmendable if the others are willing to accept a sincere apology.
    By the way, still rooting for Dustin. Good guy!

    Posted October 9th, 2019 at 7:07 am
  8. argentlupus Says:

    @jeffepp you have it right there man. I think Ravenia might be empathic if she could realize that without much prompting.

    Posted October 9th, 2019 at 9:10 am
  9. R Says:

    Not everyone is going to be suited for polyamory. I did not think Mark was, back when this arc started, and I expected things would go wrong.
    Just not this horribly wrong.
    Good people sometimes do terrible things because events have spiralled so far out of their control and beyond their comfort zone that they lose all balance. It doesn’t excuse the wrong they do, but it also doesn’t make them trash.
    Trash would be people who refuse to try and regain their balance and make up for their actions.

    Posted October 9th, 2019 at 11:52 am
  10. Nep Says:

    It’s Mark’s responsibility to figure out if he’s ready for a relationship or not. No one else’s. She seems to have had no idea what was going on in his head, and he barely seems to have grasped it himself.

    Fortunately, context clues indicate therapy is happening.

    Posted October 9th, 2019 at 11:57 am
  11. Rock Says:

    À propos of nothing…
    Ms. Pete, will the geekhunter-LARPers ever make another appearance in the comic? ^_^ It’d be interesting to see what they’re like out of character.

    Posted October 9th, 2019 at 12:11 pm
  12. Shinjischneider Says:

    Mark definitely has mental health issues. Punchin a wall so hard you break your hand is a sign that you tend to not properly show your emotions, you don’t share what’s going on with yourself. Probably even hide it from yourself so good you think everything is fine. Or at least “not so bad”.

    You don’t adress what bothers you, because you fear confrontation. You fear to be wrong. You fear to be attacked if you dare speaking up.

    This insecurity is the perfect breeding ground for an outburst he had.

    How do i know? Because i had my share of bruised hands/fingers. About every 2 years i get close to an outburst the way he had. With the main difference being, that i am aware of it and i punch the wall BEFORE lashing out to loved ones. (and i chose walls that are hard enough to stop my fist but not so hard to actually break it)

    Posted October 10th, 2019 at 2:17 am
  13. Velgar Says:

    Me thinks this was not even the first time this has happened to Ravenia…

    @Kobold I do agree. I mean, he might have something going on, but nowadays that we have a name and description to every little ill, bad and woe, there’s probably not a single person alive, who is “mentally healthy”.

    But. One thing surprisingly many people lack is ability to truly take things from another perspective, or even try it without someone of authority pointing it out. It’s very, very easy to think “why would they think that?” without actually stopping for a moment to figure out the answer. It’s just… “People” don’t think like that! … I think… XD

    So for that a person of authority that gets their livelihood from looking at things from the other side… Might not be that bad…

    Posted October 10th, 2019 at 5:51 am
  14. MuchachoNL Says:

    Methinks that Ravenia realises a lot that Mark wasn’t poly material after all.
    Mark felt guilty about kissing her when he thought she was Dustin’s girlfriend, and sure he bounced of joy when he learned that it was okay to date her. But he never really fully understand the implications of polyamorous relationships… which means you’ll NEVER be exclusive. And deep down, I think Mark is quite monogamous and Ravenia knows it too. Otherwise she wouldn’t be like this and she’d be all up in his business about the nerve he had of treating her like that when he KNEW all along… because he didn’t. Not really.

    Posted October 11th, 2019 at 7:29 am
  15. Yasi Says:

    @Sable this isn’t surprising considering Dustin and Mark’s last interaction… he was no doubt still feeling angry and hurt and frustrated at Mark’s raving – and he _is_ comfortably romantically involved with Ravenia. I wouldn’t call it loyalty so much as a chivalric sense of trying to be where he was most needed. My guess is, based on timing, he figured talking to Mark is pointless in the state he was in, so he’d reach out to Ravenia instead.
    Just my best guess, tho.

    Posted October 11th, 2019 at 9:38 am
  16. chicgeek Says:

    I have been seeing so much hate for Ravinia in the comments for a while now, that the male members of the romantic group aren’t getting. Yeah, Mark was in a toxic relationship that ended badly, and was unready for any new relationship. Was she supposed to magically know this? She asked him to see her, yeah-probably thinking he would decline if he wasn’t interested. He seemed genuinely happy, and if someone tells people they’re fine, they tend to be believed. No one else realized the extent he was burying his problems-maybe even Mark himself. I’m glad Mark is getting help, and that he has a good friend group.

    Posted October 12th, 2019 at 11:17 am
  17. Drraagh Says:

    @Velgar Regarding the ability to truly take things from another perspective, I completely agree. The problem, I think is, people tend to focus on their thought processes and assume that everyone must think like them as they usually are surrounding themselves with people of like minds in their social circles and usually at work due to people of similar interests following similar paths, like geeks in tech support.

    So, when presented with a problem or situation outside of our norm, most people will flounder, falling back to the patterns they know. It’s why businesses spend tons of money hiring outsiders to come in and review their company because people don’t usually try to look at things differently. I think part of that is society marks those who try and be different as ‘deviant’.

    “Hey, that guy still collects toys and he’s a full grown man.”

    Instead, the common thought process is: When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things. (Corinthians 1 13:!33, famously quoted in the 90’s movie Hackers)

    Just my two cents on the topic anyway.

    Posted October 13th, 2019 at 3:33 pm
  18. Zorglubis Says:

    @chicgeek I do not get it either. Some people seem to imply it’s somehow her fault to get Mark involved in a kind of relationship he was not ready for.

    The fact it’s a poly relationship seems almost irrelevant; I think he was not ready for any kind of relationship and that the poly side of this relationship was but one trigger among many possible others.

    He was not hurt by Ravenia because she forced him into something he was not ready for, he hurt himself by choosing to get involved in a relationship he was not ready for.

    He did not know where he was coming from nor where he was going, and needed to ask himself some questions he did not want to face before getting involved in any kind of relationship again. Self knowledge is hard, but if you jump into a relationship without any introspection whatsoever, it’s not your partner’s fault if you get hurt for not being ready, it’s yours.

    She had no way to know he was in such a bad shape, so please let’s cut her some slack? 🙂

    Posted October 15th, 2019 at 2:03 pm
  19. SeriousBiz Says:

    @chicgeek: Agreed. While there have been supportive comments of Ravenia, there has also been this undercurrent of thought that Ravenia is somehow more responsible for Mark’s feelings than Mark himself, that instead of Mark being expected to come to grips with his own feelings of inadequacy, jealousy etc. before entering any kind of relationship, it’s Ravenia’s job to notice and address them. Which is a horrible burden to put on anyone.

    I suspect this was never about Ravenia, or Damien, or polyamory. It was always about Mark and all the things related to his fear of being judged. He’s spent the entire comic’s run leading a double life, where he’s felt ashamed for enjoying geeky and weird things and hiding them from his coworkers, his roommate and his girlfriend (well, add “ex-” to the two latter), AKA “the mundanes”, never really feeling that he can be completely honest about this side of himself. It’s high time he addresses this, and his likely massive guilt about the fact that he’s even lied about his friends, the amazingly supportive group of people in his life, simply on the basis of them belonging to his “secret” life.

    I mean, there’s much more to it than that, but I think this is part of it.

    Posted October 15th, 2019 at 2:24 pm
  20. Vol Says:

    @chicgeek: While I think some people have gone a little too far blaming her, and Mark definitely deserves plenty of blame for the situation himself, the main reason people have been pointing a finger at Ravenia is that she was the experienced one in the situation. Mark clearly stated he had no idea what poly meant, and as the more familiar party she should have made an effort to make sure he understood what it would involve. Without knowing what she was thinking it can come across like she was just collecting another guy she was attracted to without making an effort to ensure he knew what he was getting into. And while I still believe he should have put in some research himself, it’s still like someone telling me they’ve never really had spicy food but they see me enjoying it and want to try some, so I hand them a habanero I’m eating. Yes they should be more cautious about what they’re getting into, but it’s still partially on me to warn an inexperienced person about what they’re about to try.

    Posted October 16th, 2019 at 9:44 am
  21. Hey Guys,

    Just a few things; as far as the mental health. Mark self-injured to the point of serious injury and almost went on an alcohol fueled drinking binge. He had several serious lapses in judgement that were fueled by jealousy and serious insecurity to the point of assaulting someone (if your shoving someone hard enough that they end up on the ground that could constitute assault). With all of this; yes; there are some serious mental health issues that require a professional.

    Now as far as Ravenia (yay i hope we don’t lose the character) and Mark. While I may give her character the “eye” because as someone who has ,as per the comic, been doing poly for a while she should have seen some of this coming it is seperate from everything else. They are both adults who made choices and while some of the posts that I have seen veer on the side of “shaming” (which is hysterical for a cartoon) Mark definitely made “bad” choices that have implications while her choices are going to be “poor” choices that are lessons learned.

    I don’t really think any of us can really say anything else until we see how this chapter ends. Thankfully I am fairly sure it will only be a couple of weeks ((i do miss the bi-weekly days though just saying))

    Posted October 16th, 2019 at 12:05 pm
  22. AtWork Says:

    Since it seems my previous comment will not be posted for some reason… I shortly reiterate why Ravenia gets “hate”.

    No, she could not know about Mark’s internal turmoil. But she choose to invite him into the relationship without telling him about Damien. He knew about Dustin, yes, but Dustin is a friend and that makes the whole thing different. Ravenia (and Dustin for that matter) should have been upfront about who else belongs to the relationship.

    Is Ravenia *alone* to blame for what happened? Of course not. But she should have told Mark about Damien beforehand, regardless of his tantrum at the LARP. You have to make things clear for someone just entering a poly relationship, *especially* if the person does not have prior experience in that matter. And Ravenia dropped the ball there.

    Posted October 16th, 2019 at 12:06 pm
  23. Gene Wirchenko Says:

    Ravenia presumably knew the territory of polyamory. That implies some responsibility in the area.

    Posted October 17th, 2019 at 8:52 pm